Letters to My Daughters

These are the letters to my daughters

She's Almost Home

2018-07-15 The Letters John

Being here, I lose track of simple things, like days being different compared to home. Brooke reminded me that Char gets home for a week today. I knew it was close, but I just hadn’t realized how close until just now. I’m so happy she’ll be home, but I was also left really sad when Brooke told me that she called me by name instead of by Papa while on the phone.

See, her and Brooke decided that Syd would call me Papa a long ways back. At the time I was still John to her. At some point, she decided she would call me Papa. That day, that day made me happier than can be. Knowing that she considered me to be such a large part of her life, to be papa to her, to know that I was raising her well enough that she considered me to be her papa. That day was a happy one for me. And every day she’s called me papa since has been a happy one. Even when she’s fighting with us, arguing, I’m still papa and that still tugs on my heart.

I’ve been a part of her life for over 6 years now. I’ve been here longer than I haven’t been. To put it in perspective, Syd is almost two thirds of the age that Char was when I came into her life. That is a long time for anyone. To go from being a guy who didn’t know what the future held to falling in love with Brooke. To being someone who wanted to be a good parental figure for one young girl, and now to wanting to be the same for her younger sister… it’s a big change.

I’m doing my best for her and her sister, for their mom, for our family. It isn’t easy all of the time… heck, it isn’t easy most of the time. Trying to figure out the right way to approach things, the right way to defuse an argument or fix a problem, or just make them all happy. And I’m scared to death of the day that she decides I’m not papa, that she thinks I’m not the father figure she deserves. I hope the day never comes, but I’m so very afraid of it just the same.

I miss my girls. I miss them so much. I would give anything to be home right now, even if only for a few hours to hold them all in my arms. I miss my girls.

Love, Papa