My First Letter

It’s taken my quite some time to get to this point. In truth, I’ve been procrastinting quite a bit. Between being at home and trying to enjoy every moment I can with my family, and being at work when I’m out of town, I’ve had no energy to put forth towards anything. Not having my family makes me feel rather sad, even depressed. Sleeping in a strange hotel bed instead of the one I share with Brooke at home, it’s been hard to motivate myself to do much of anything.

But alas, after 7 solid months of doing nothing with this domain and this idea, I’ve decided it’s time. You see, I leave for a solid month. It would be one thing if it were just an hour flight to where I am, but this one is further… much further. I’ll be around the world in Korea while my family is at home without me. At least, that’s what my work schedule still looks like as of a few hours ago. It may change, it may not, but I have to assume that I’ll be going. To make matters worse, the time I spend away from home will land during the week that my oldest daughter is home from her visit in California. I’ll have to go an entire 2 months and a week without holding her in my arms, or tucking her in at night.

Being 500 miles from home isn’t the worst thing in the world. In truth, it supports my family far better than my previous job did. It’s rough not seeing your daughters grow up; missing the things they’re learning, the events at school and daycare, being able to drop them off and pick them up, or even a visit during a school lunch. All of these things are rough and I miss them a ton, but my family is taken care of. It actually brings me to tears on some nights, not being able to put my oldest to bed, usually falling asleep in there with her cuddled up against me; or not being able to put my youngest in her crib, tucking her in and hearing her sing Twinkle Twinkle or just saying “Niy Niy” repeatedly while I answer back “Sleep Tight.” Most of all, it hurts to not lay in bed with the woman I love. When everything sucks, when the world is falling apart, I can hear her voice telling me “It’ll be okay.” She tells me “You’re doing what you have to for you family, and we understand why you have to.” It doesn’t fix the pain, it doesn’t stop the sadness, but it does remind me that I’m doing it because it’s what needs to be done.

I write these letters in hopes that my girls can read them; in hopes that they can understand a bit of the things that go through my head on a daily basis.

Some of you may be wondering why there is so little back story involved here. “No context at all” you say. Well, this wasn’t meant for you after all, it was meant for them; my daughters. And, in truth, my better half as well. In fairness, only two of them can read it, and it will be at least a couple of years until the other can read at all in any real quantity. I’ll leave it to you to figure out which is which at that point. Sometime soon, I’ll add a proper page that explains things a slight bit. It may clear up that confusion. Until then, enjoy the letters, and remember to love your family and love the time you have with them. You never know when something bad will happen, so tell them you love them every chance you get. Never leave them on a bad note or in a fight, because it may be the last thing that you have with them. Show them that you love them; leave that voicemail, send that short text, leave that little note, write them a letter… Just remember to always love them.